I guess you think I’m going to use this holiest of days to sell you one of Pincollar’s new season’s handmade shirts? Shame on you, the thought never crossed my next day delivery.
Those familiar with Google probably already know that Valentinus was a third century Roman saint. Legend has it he used to help Christians marry on the sly. As Christianity at the time was illegal and marriage between them also illegal, St V was quite the medieval rebel. There is also a rumour he cured a blind girl shortly before he died. Ironically she then quickly ditched her hideous boyfriend, not having previously realised she was quite so far out of his league.
The local authorities weren’t too pleased to hear about Valentine’s matrimonial hobbies so decided a slightly less romantic proposal was in order – namely torturing our hero to death on the day which bears his name. Quite why we decided this was the day we should choose to commemorate his legacy is a mystery. Of course we do the same thing at Easter but at least then we remember Jesus had a tough time of it towards the end (not counting the resurrection). Unless Valentine’s torture was by heart shaped chocolates and service station carnations we’re not quite doing his suffering justice.
Nevertheless the torment part was forgotten and the marriage part more or less remembered. Skip forward to the year of our Lord 2014: from roses and rose-flavoured chocolates to champagne and lingerie, it’s now the internationally recognised day of romance, albeit not always with the ‘ever-after’ in mind. What better or more tasteful way of marking the plight of early Christian elopers than a helium-filled balloon shaped like a sheep with ‘I wuv ewe’ scrawled across its belly?
If you already have a table booked for tomorrow at your nearest Chicken Cottage then clearly you don’t need my advice. Others of you may not be so organised and are still looking for inspiration for (the other) V day celebrations. If you’re a man looking for last minute suggestions for wooing your other half then the first thing you want to do is make an effort with yourself. Turn up tomorrow night in one of our new season’s shirts and they’ll be so impressed they will likely not even notice there’s nothing under the Valentine’s tree for them.
If, on the other hand, you’re a thoughtful woman (or gay man) who wants to show their commitment to the lucky man in her/his life, perhaps the gift of a well-fitted, handmade shirt might be an order…oops, I mean ‘in order’ (but seriously: order now before 2:30pm and you’ll have it in time for your table-for-two tomorrow).
May St Valentine be with you.
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